Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Six Riffers, Episode 1: Emily H the Viking Princess (Part Four)

--

MMMhhh Emily H is that you, someone said frome behind me, I turned and saw Sam and his right hand man Eric who was smoking a ciggaret and had an empty beer can in his hand.

Benimaru: Cigarettes... and beer cans...?
Rory: The Norse invented Joe Camel and Budweiser.
Emi: Sam and Eric? Was the Suethor reading "Lord of the Flies"? Granted, the two were twins in the book, but still...

Sam? I questioned. I havent seen you since grade school,

Mai: Grade school. In a story about Vikings. No, I don't understand it, either.

you and your whole family moved to corner stone village years ago, what brings you back here?
he grined almost angerly, Eric spit out his ciggaret 'witch wasnt even lit' and started to say were here to pun, SHUT UP sam said and knocked the can out of erics hand, sam looked at me with an annoied look as eric took out a new ciggaret out of his pocket and lit it.

Manic: Are we watching "Beavis and Butt-Head"?
Cassy: Cornholio, dude.

I heard about the dragon you killed and had to come back to see the little Emily I once knew who killed a king dragon sam said. I smiled and said yes Yes I did kill a king black dragon, I couldnt have done it without samsons help though,

Mai: Oh, look. She's pretending to be humble.
Emi: Well, that's what Sues do. If the love interest helped, he takes all the credit.
Mai: Why?
Emi: Um, well... Manic?
Manic: Yeah, it's because she doesn't have a penis.
Emi: Thank you.

somson put his arm around me and glared up at Sam, what are you, a wizard or some shit? Sam had a dark green earth cloke on and steller aveators on.

Cassy: I have no clue what time period we're in any more, dudes.
Mai: Neither does the Suethor. And the Suethor wrote this.

No sam replied quickly and turned and walked away ERic following while eating candy.
I looked at Samson sharply, why did you say that samson, that wasnt varry nice, samuel was picked on in school a lot, so much his family moved away soon after I heard both his parents were murdered and they never found out who the killer was, you shouldnt be so mean to him.

Manic: Yeah, thanks for the random infodump!

samson just spit on the ground and said I dont like the way he looks, hes got a bad vibe.

Benimaru: And thus the poorly done love interest went from bland to unlikable.
Rory: Translation: Never talk to any guys that aren't me or your father!
Mai: *flatly* Oh, you're so clingy. I like that in a man. *normal voice* Don't tell me who I can or can't see, you pile of... *mutters*

despret to change the subject I asked samson to come to thomas's house with me, thomas was an old man, sometims refered to as the village elder, he played the most beautyfull music.

Emi: I'm surprised. That name is sort of passable.

we walked around to the edge of the village to his house and knocked on the door, he answered the door with a grim old smile and welcomed us in gently, we talked for awhile about our adventures together, then thomas asked if we would like for him to play a song.
he started playing, the music seeped into our bones and seemed to list me off the ground,

Manic: That's some freaky music. Is she taking LSD?

samson looked deeply into my eyes and then got down on one knee, my heart stopped, out of his pocket he pulled a ring made of golden leaves twisted into a ring and on top they were holding a breathtaking golden dimond, he took a deep breath and asked me to marry him,

Cassy: Who called it?
Mai: *raises her hand* It was pretty obvious.

thomas smiled as he was playing his music, i let out a small screem and hugged samson tightly saying yesyesyehhhsss!(!) yes I will. thomas congragulated us before we left and walked back to my house, samson told me that he was talking about marrying me to my father when we were on the boat the other day.

Benimaru: You know, if one of us could instantly figure out what the "surprise" was, then it's not a good one.

we got home and garth was balled up in the corner with no pants on asleep, and my father was reading a book in his chair.

Manic: Did Garth turn into my brother?

frome that day on till we got married was just a blur of happiness and joy.
the whole village was at our wedding there were flowers and my dress was long sleved and had a hood with white fox ears on it,

Mai: White... fox... ears...?

there wasnt ever a more magcal day in all of history, and that night was even batter. ;)

Emi: Which means... more sex. *flatly* Yay.
Cassy: Man, they're hornier than lizards.

It had been a fiew months of lazy happy days, all the exitement had died down and life was good..

Rory: And I was still confused. But, hey! Go on!

It was almost summer again now and the town was having the spring festivel, there were charry blossems raining down over the town

Manic: ...are we in Japan now? What's happening here?
Emi: This fic is a mess.

and everyone was drinking and having a good time at the festivel.
this year they filled the fountian with wine and everyone was dipping there cups into it, even the kids were aloud a little taste.

Benimaru: Anything to wipe this odd story from their minds.
Rory: They didn't have time to invent Child Protective Services, I guess.

samson and I were sitting together telling little kids stories of our adventures

Mai: Oh, great. Now she's tormenting the children.

when it happened.

Cassy: The fic ended?
Manic: Well... it's almost ending.

Martha had been drinking a lot of wine and was at her kissing booth when she stood up and just started walking away with a blank face, I thought nothing of it at the time but then more people started doing the same, and more and more, till the whole town was walking away like zombies, even the children, samson and I stood and followed them, samson had his hand on his blade. whats going on I whispered to samson, he replied without taking his eyes off the people, I dont know Emily dark forces are at work. they all walked into a cave at the base of the mountians, I wondered if alchemy was at play here.

Rory: What happened to "Ethnobotany"?
Emi: She magically forgot that.

we were in the cave now with what seemed to be the whole town when I heard a laugh,samson and I turned to see Sam and Eric standing uptop a rock laughing and carrying on, they must have been blazed,

Rory: The Norse invented pot?! Oh, no wonder the Sonic from that "Sonic High School" fic was wrecked to high heaven!
Cassy: High heaven and then some, dude.

they didnt even see us walking over to them.
what have you done Samuel! whats going on I yelled, they quit lauging and turned to face us, Emily Samson I should have known you two wouldnt be effected by my alchemy sam scowled, eric started pulling what looked like a gun out of his jacket, but sam put out his arm to stop him, not here eric said sam.

Mai: Okay, I was wrong. Apparently, the bland love interest can correctly guess any "evil" men who try to get close to the Sue.
Manic: That still doesn't make it any better. That means that they're just evil for the sake of being evil.
Mai: Also... why do we have a gun in this story?
Emi: I give up.

Sam then mumbled something under his breats and there was a flash of blineding light, by the time samson and I could see again Samuel eric and alll the people had disapeared. What were we going to do!!!(?)

Benimaru: Looks like you're stuck doing nothing, because the fic's over.
Cassy: Oh, don't you just love it when there's a cliffhanger?
Benimaru: No. No, I don't.
Rory: Maybe they're saving the townspeople from the Sue.
Manic: And that's the fic's true ending. Someone write that.
Mai: As long as Kyo's not the one who is writing, we'll be okay.

--

Go Back to Part Three
Go Back to Disasterpiece Theater Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page