Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 10: Mike put his frosting in Bella's cake (Part Three)

--

Warning: Yes, there's even more victim blaming is in this chapter.

--

3. Chapter 3 edited on december 3 2011

*Edward's POV*

Axl: *flatly* Yay. Just what we needed. More of that asshole's POV.

The family, and I pulled into the Denali's driveway. The house was beautiful of coarse, but it was cold beauty. It didn't have that home sweet home feeling. This isn't my home, but it will have to do.

Keiko: Well, you're not in Hell, your actual home.
Kyo: *as he plays with a few embers of his own* I can make one for him.

Tanya ran outside followed by Irina, and Carmen. Looks like only the girls are home at the moment. As they carried some of our bags their thoughts hit me.

Kyo: Since this moron doesn't think, their thoughts will have to do.

'I wonder why Bella isn't visiting also.' Irina thought. 'They brought a lot of luggage, they must be staying long…perfect!' Tanya thought.' I hope no one is injured.' Carmen thought.

Miyu: Irina, it's because Edward's a moron. Tanya... it's best that they stay forever. And Carmen, Bella was violently raped, and it's somehow her fault.

" Every thing will be explained soon." Esme said carrying one of Rosalie's huge bags.

Axl: What's there to explain? Edward had a pissing fit and moved you nitwits over here!

About a hour later we were all settled in their guest rooms. " Edward, would you like to explain the reason behind out visit?" Carlisle asked. I just stared at him. Did he really expect me to talk about it. It hurt for me to think of it much less casually talk about it.

Keiko: Well, you were the one who moved everyone over there! *facepalms* Jeez, you're such a useless whiner.
Miyu: Tire. Fire. Tire. Fire.

Carlisle saw my expression, and nodded once. He understood. "Well, the main reason for our visit would be that Edward is…unhappy with Bella."

" Unhappy! Why?" Tanya asked, faking concern. Her thoughts were all to happy.

" Wait, what do you mean the main reason Carlisle? Bella…cheated, end of story." I winced saying her name. The Denali's gasped.

All: She didn't cheat!
Kyo: Are you sure that this dumbass is extremely intelligent?
Keiko: We were told that. We just weren't shown that.

"Well, son. None of us believe Bella cheated. We did, but-" Carlisle was cut off by Rosalie

Miyu: Why aren't you burning in a tire fire right now, Rosalie?

" I do!" She argued, Carlisle sighed.

Axl: I'm glad that someone's annoyed with that waste of skin.

" Most of us excluding Rosalie of coarse are starting to think Alice was right. She always is."

Kyo: And you didn't listen to her before you morons moved to Alaska? These idiots would drink glowing green sewage while thinking that it's Mountain Dew!

I jumped up. "Then would you like to share why you're here" I said in anger.

Keiko: Okay, my limit's reached. Give me the Bleepka.
Kyo: If you lose your guts, you're cleaning up your own mess, you know.
Keiko: If I throw up, I'd do it all over that idiot.
Miyu: *adjusts glasses* Well, he is a living pile of vomit, so it's a proper comparison.
Kyo: Can't argue with that, Glasses.
Axl: Yep.

Esme spoke up, she hates to see the family fight. " Edward calm down. I came because my family came. I follow my family because I love my family." That was truly touching.

Axl: No, it wasn't. That means that she doesn't have a mind of her own.
Keiko: Have you forgotten what series this stupid fic is set in? Of course she doesn't have a mind of her own.

"I came because if I didn't Rose would hurt me." Emmett said, actually looking frightened. This was not so touching.

Kyo: What was your first clue, Sherlock?

" And I came because I respect you and your decisions." Carlisle said, putting a comforting arm around me.

Miyu: I respect him as much as I respected Benji.
Axl: I can respect an armadillo's anus a lot more than I can respect Edward's entire being.

I stepped away from him " I need a moment." I said, and with that I was running out the door and into the white forest.

Kyo: The heck is he gonna do, take a smoke break?
Keiko: He thought it'd suddenly be a good idea to go camping.
Kyo: Uh...
Keiko: With LeMaire.
Kyo: Not protesting.

After I was far away from the house I fell to the ground . Was Alice right?

Miyu: Yes, you insignificant simpleton!

Could it be that Bella was hurt with me so close to her?

Axl: Maybe because you insulted her, you walking shit pile!

Was I not their to save my love?

Kyo: Uh, yeah. Of course you weren't there. Problem was you blaming her for being raped, you dumbass.
Keiko: And claiming that it was "cheating".

It couldn't be. I'm her love, her night and shinning armor, as Bella puts it.

Kyo: Yeah, now tell me a funny joke.

If Alice was right that would mean I'm useless.

Axl: Well, you're useless... period.

If I couldn't save my love from such a weak human like Mike, could I provide safety for her at all?

Miyu: *flatly* Oh, look, he's finally blaming himself. We're supposed to feel sorry for him now.
Kyo: *as he stares at the night sky* Wait, we are?
Miyu: I guess you're not, considering that you're staring at the sky...
Kyo: It's a lot better than looking at this mess of a fanfic.

Lost in thought I didn't hear Tanya approach me until her thoughts invaded mine. 'Edward looks like he needs some cheering up.'

Axl: ...why? Who cares about his feelings?

I sat up and composed myself, why can't she just leave me alone?

Miyu: He's supposed to be the mature one again? All this idiot does is whine!

Tanya plumped down gracefully next to me. She was strangely bouncing nervously. Weird for Tanya. " I'm not in the mood for talking." I stated just wanting to sulk some more.

Keiko: Why should we be surprised at this? Half of this fic was him moping and whining.

" Good then just listen for a change."

Axl: You'll have a better chance getting "Street Fighter V" to work.
Kyo: Well, Edward and Capcom are one and the same. They both don't listen to logical stuff.

Tanya took a deep shallow, unnecessary breath.

Miyu: Your existence is unnecessary.

" Edward…I've know you for a long time. I know you more than you think I do. Like your smile, it's only a genuine smile if it's crooked.

Axl: It'll be even more genuine when I can smack his teeth down his throat with an ice mallet.

The flash of anger in your eyes you try to hide. The love sick look when your thinking of Bella."

Keiko: Or blaming her for being raped, but who's keeping count, really?

" Edward, can't you see I want that, I deserve that… I love you why are you so blind! Even before the human you never saw me, not really. Look at me! Really look at me."

Really look at her? I looked at Tanya, I saw my cousin, my more than a little stuck up cousin.

Miyu: Says the stuck-up vampire who truly needs to be knocked down a thousand pegs.

Take away that, and I'm looking at Tanya. Really looking at her.

I really looked at her. From a different point of view. Not my cousin, just Tanya. I'd always heard the way guys thought of her when she walked by. The way girls envy her. I just never really saw her to notice it myself.

Kyo: Because he cared about one person. Himself.
Axl: Maybe he should start making out with himself. Someone's probably painting a mural of that right now.
Kyo: Ugh... thanks for that thought, you jerk squirrel. *takes a few shots of Bleepka*

Tanya surrounded by the pure white snow, on her pure white skin. Her soft strawberry blonde hair in loose curls. Her body in a sun dress, and high heels, giving away the fact that she isn't a normal girl, who would be freezing right now. She's not a normal girl. She's a vampire, just like me.

Keiko: Thanks for holding our hands.

As Tanya leaned in, and closed her eyes I sat frozen. Is this it? Is Tanya my future, and Bella my past? I closed my eyes wishing I could just freeze time.

Axl: Can I just freeze you? Y'know, freeze you, rip your head off, and toss it at you? I really, really want to go all Sub-Zero on your ass.

Bella. Even if she didn't cheat could I really go back to her after not saving her, and accusing her of cheating if that was the case.

Miyu: Translation: Could I touch a "dirty and unpure woman" after she was raped?
Axl: I hate this stupid trash fic so much.

I'll never know what happened in that bathroom. Never really see it for myself. My eyes snapped open as Tanya began to close the last few inches between our lips.

Security cameras.

Of coarse! Schools around America got security camera's installed all over the school, after the terrorist attack on 9/11. I recall an argument back in 2001. The argument was about putting camera's in school bathroom's, is it an invasion of privacy for the staff and students? The argument lost, and the government went ahead and installed them.

Miyu, Axl, Keiko: *facepalms*
Kyo: *balks* You just remembered that there were security cameras installed at your school?! You are dumb!
Miyu: The last horse has crossed the finish line. *sarcastically claps* Wonderful.

School's are suppose to check them daily, but Forks High normally checks them weekly. I could finally see the truth! Not only that but Alice had used her vampire strength on Mike. If the school sees that tape we could all be exposed.

Axl: So... sneak in after hours, locate the tapes, find the time frame, and destroy the tapes once you're done. Do we have to write up your plans for you, you so-called "superior" vampire?
Keiko: He has the intelligence level of a dumbbell.
Kyo: Dumbbells are smarter than he is, Tsukino.

I need to get that tape. Was my urgency for the safety of my family, or for seeing what really happened with Bella?

Miyu: How about the latter?

I shot up. Tanya looked broken, and hurt. I explained to her about the camera's, trying to make her feel better by having her think my urgency is for my family, but it's not.

"I'll call Alice." Carlisle spoke, he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of that himself. We were all serious now.

Axl: But nowhere near smarter.

As Carlisle dialed Alice's number the room grew silent, listening to their conversation.

"Hello?" Alice said, her voice filled with stress, I heard Jasper shushing someone in the background. Like how you shush a baby who has woken in the middle of the night. A soothing shush.

Kyo: *annoyed* Ed. If you don't shut up, I will mold your lips shut.

"Alice, this is an emergency. You must get the security tapes from the school." Alice did something I've never heard her do to Carlisle. She yelled at him. " I'm busy!'' Alice took a deep breath on the other line, realizing what she'd just done. " Let me talk to Edward." she said trying to control her voice.

I took the phone form Carlisle. What could Alice want from me? Is she going to yell at me also?

Keiko: Why not? You deserve it since you were acting like an idiotic and gigantic baby.

"Edward we're having our own problems here. If you want the tapes come get them your self, and-" Alice was cut off by someone screaming. Bella screaming. The scream was a different kind of scream, one of true pain. It reminded me of the Rosalie's screams when she was being transformed into a vampire.

Axl: She was still stuck in this fic, so that's why she's screaming.

I hung up, I just can't take the screams.

Kyo: Of course. He can't deal with something that's uncomfortable to him, so he just ignores it or runs off like the whiny coward that he is.

"Well?'' Rosalie asked impatiently.

Miyu: Shut up and burn in a tire fire!
Kyo: Well, I know what I'm getting after this garbage fic is over.

"Well...I guess I'm heading back to Forks."

Keiko: That's it? That's all you can say?
Miyu: His level of empathy was always incredibly low.
Axl: Well, no kidding.

4. Chapter 4

***Editing time baby!***

Oh yeah! I'm back…possibly!

Kyo: I hope this fic never gets updated. Delete this fic.

I currently am writing my own original stories, I just like writing original work more than fan fictions, but I shall try to being writing again! I'll start editing tonight, and if I don't have much to edit I'll start writing a new chapter. Hope you all stick with me J

Axl: I'm not sticking with you, author. Sorry.
Kyo: *sighs* This is one of the worst fics that I've ever riffed. I think I'm going to go bathe in toilet water or something.
Miyu: Why?
Kyo: Because it's cleaner than this fic.
Keiko: If you add human waste, then you'll swim in the equivalent to this fic.
Kyo: No, I still have to add Benji for the equivalent.
Axl: Well... he's not wrong there.

--

Go Back to Part Two
Go Back to Disasterpiece Theater Page
Go Back to Episode List
Go Back to Main MST 'EM Page