Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Four Riffers, Episode 10: Mike put his frosting in Bella's cake (Part One)

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Warning: This chapter contains a violent rape scene... and lots of victim blaming that the riffers will tear apart.

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1. Chapter 1 edited on december 3 2011

Axl: Someone probably didn't edit it well enough, I guess.

*Bella's POV*

I was sitting next to Edward in English class when I felt the need to have a human moment.

Kyo: She was never human. Just a twit.

I raised my hand, and Edward looked at me confused "Bathroom.'' I whispered to him. His face went back to it's normal beautiful composure at once.

Miyu: I forgot how creepy he was. That pretty much cemented it.

"Yes, miss Swan?" Mr. Berty asked annoyed that I interrupted his lecture about who the hell knows what. "Bathroom please.'' I asked.

"Fine, go quickly or your miss more on th-'' I cut him off

" Thanks." Then I left before he could object to my so called "attitude.''

Axl: Either that or you whiz all over the floor.
Keiko: Considering how snobbish she was, I'm suprised that she never believed that she could never take a leak.

I heard more than a few chuckles on my way out. I really don't want to go back to class today, it's more boring than normal, and I'm feeling the need to walk around after sitting for so long.

Keiko: Sounds like Kusanagi's days in school.
Kyo: Oh, bite me.

I know there's a bathroom two doors down, but I also know there's one on the other side of the school by my social studies room. I decided to go there instead.

When I got there after a nice little walk I saw Mike sitting outside the social studies room across from the girls bathroom. He had a look that could kill.

Axl: Why is this fic turning one of the few nice dudes in the series into a literal axe murderer?
Miyu: Because "conflict" needed to arrive.

I felt uncomfortable but asked the oblivious polite question. "What's wrong Mike?'' "Nothing you can help me with Bella.'' he said detached as is he was thinking the exact opposite.

Keiko: Thanks for holding our hands.

" How about you tell me whet happened and I'll see what I can do.'' Man I really need to use the restroom…bad! " Jessica and I broke up." he sounded almost happy? Which didn't match his expression.

"Why?'' They had seemed like a pretty good match for each other. Well when Mike wasn't hitting on me that is, but it had gotten better since Edward had a talk with him. A threat actually was the better way to describe it.

Miyu: Yes, nothing says true love like threatening other people!

"I wanted to go all the way with her and she wasn't feeling me."

"Oh.'' I said not knowing what to do or say. Wishing I'd gone to the closer bathroom.

Kyo: You weren't supposed to. Glasses said it earlier; we needed "conflict".

"Yeah, oh.''

"Well…um maybe you should talk to her.'' I suggested. I honestly hoped they could work it out.

Axl: Considering this fic? They're not gonna work on anything.

" I don't do conversation to well Bella." Mike said darkly.

Kyo: The hell? Did he get body snatched by that twisted clone of mine?
Miyu: Probably.

"Oh, wish their was a way I could help. Really I do. But…umm natures calling'' I said in a rush to escape his stare.

Then I walked away and into the bathroom. I heard footsteps behind me immediately and I turned around to see who is joining me.

"Mike!'' I half shrieked. "What the hell are you doing in here?''

Keiko: And nobody saw him follow her into the bathroom... why?
Miyu, Kyo, Axl: "Conflict".

"I know a way for you to help.'' Mike said in a way making me not want to know how to help at all.

Would Edward hear me screaming? Would he even be listening? I didn't wait for my brain to answer these questions I just started screaming anyway.

Miyu: *pushes glasses up* Actually, that is a smart thing to do. Someone should actually hear her, considering that they're still in school.
Axl: Yeah, too bad that everyone is conveniently wearing earplugs while this is going on.

Mike began to pull me by the hair into a stall. I could feel the blood rushing down the sides of my face.

Kyo: She must have the world's most sensitive scalp there.

He began to tear away my clothing and the rest of my dignity.

Keiko: This fic had no dignity to begin with.
Kyo: I agree.
Miyu, Axl: *nods*

He handled me roughly, I know I'll have bruises. I prayed for this all to end soon, I can barley register what's happening.

Axl: Yeah, we can't wheat for this to be over.
Kyo: Cheesy, Spikes. Real cheesy.

As he entered me I screamed in pain so loud and hard I popped the blood vessels in my eye's and tears of blood rolled out of my them.

All: *confused*
Miyu: Okay, um... we're not going to excuse the rape at all. But, um... when did this turn into "My Immortal"?
Keiko: Since the author needed "real trauma" to occur, Prower.

I wished someone would save me. "EDWARD SAVE ME!'' I screamed so loud popping another blood vessel in my eye. Please, someone save me. "No one can save you Bella no one can hear you.

"Sorry to burst your bubble Mikey.'' Alice said. Alice! Alice! Alice! I finally found my voice and yelled her name "ALICE HELP!'' I screamed in agony.

Axl: Well, finally! What took her so long?
Miyu: She was stuck in traffic.
Axl: Forks has traffic?
Miyu: *shrugs* I don't know.

"Shit! What are you gonna do pipsqueak?' Mike said while placing a hand on my hip and shut the stall door.

Kyo: Okay, I've never read the books -- not that I'd ever want to -- but is anyone sure that he was never like this?
Miyu: Positive, Mr. Kusanagi. He was just one of those guys who constantly pined for her, because she was a good old Mary Sue.
Keiko: I'd rather have her get slapped upside the head instead of whatever's happening to her in this garbage.

"This." Alice said pleasantly while crushing the hand on my hip. "Fuck you bitch. How in the-?'' Wait did Alice just use her vampire strength in front of him! She can't do that!

"Bella, great now I have to give him amnesia!'' She spoke in an exasperated tone.

Axl: Why're you blaming her when you did it? Do you have memory loss of your own, Alice?

She then slammed his head into the stall door breaking the door and leaving him bloody, unconscious, and broken.

Keiko: Sadly, that's probably the only good sentence in this fic.

The blood went to my head. I passed out.

*Alice's POV*

Damn it! What do I do? Bella's out cold!

Kyo: Here's an idea, genius... call a damn ambulance. You know, I'm pretty much convinced that ambulances and hospitals don't exist in fanfics, period.
Keiko: Logic doesn't exist in fanfics.

"Alice I smell blood.'' Edward suddenly said as he entered the restroom, when did he get here? Edward it's not what it seems! I though urgently. How to explain this?

Axl: Just say what happened. Over here, we'll believe you. I don't know about those idiots that you call your family.

"Alice stop lying in your thoughts. I know what's going on here. Bella just can't handle boundaries. Your trying to protect your friend and not your brother. Just stop Alice. Stop."

How dare Edward think I would do such a mutt like thing. "I said stop.'' He grumbles coldly. Oh boy this is going to cause problems.

Miyu: *adjusts glasses* This fic's already a problem.

That's when Em, Rose, and Jazzy came in. How did they even know to come here?

All: Psychic link.

" I'll call Carlisle this ought to be good.'' Rose said with a smile on her lips, she's just been looking for a reason to hate Bella, and now she has one.

Axl: What the hell is wrong with you, Pod Rose?
Miyu: It's especially hypocritical when you consider Rosalie's own canon backstory... she was beaten and gang-raped before she became a vampire.
Keiko: I'm starting to wonder if the author doesn't know what they're writing.
Kyo: You're just starting to wonder, Tsukino?
Miyu: I checked the author's bio. Um... it says that most of this person's stories were written when they were 12 or 13.
Kyo, Keiko, Axl: Uh...
Axl: Well, no wonder.

"Will someone explain what the hell is going on here!'' Emmet said impatiently.

"Bella doesn't like boundaries.'' Edward said distantly.

All: ...
Kyo: *as he slowly sets himself on fire* Did you just shame her for being raped...?
Miyu: *as she puts a skillet on Kyo's head* Mm-hmm. Now hold still; I just want to make something really quick.
Axl: Uh, Miyu?
Miyu: *as she cracks an egg* This isn't a metaphor for anything. I just want a fried egg.

" No, no, no don't you understand, she was raped!" How could Edward think so low of Bella I really thought he loved her.

Keiko: Apparently not.

I mean, just look at all the blood! That is not what happens when two normal people have sex!

Kyo: That shouldn't happen ever, actually. Hey, Glasses?
Miyu: Hmm?
Kyo: You mind getting this skillet off of my head?
Miyu: In a second. I need to distract myself so I don't go thermonuclear like Kyo did yesterday.
Kyo: *sighs* Well, that's your version of therapy.

Rosalie hung up the phone. "Well why don't we put this issue to a vote. It seems we like to do that with big life changing issues including Bella.'' Rose stated before continuing on, " Who thinks HUMAN Bella cheated on VAMPIRE Edward with HUMAN Mike? Yes or no Edward?"

"Yes." Edward said. What? You have to be kidding me.

Axl: *angry* What the fuck is wrong with you idiots?! Rape isn't the same as cheating on someone! And why is this being put up to a vote in the first place?!
Keiko: I suddenly have the urge to slice those two in half.
Kyo: Do it.
Miyu: *puts on a fake smile* I'm trying my hardest to not throw this skillet at the screen...
Kyo: Or you can just beat them to death with it. That works, too.

"NO!'' I yelled in my high pitched voice, this is all just a misunderstanding! I've got to stick up for my sister, someone needs to.

" I'll get to you later. Gosh Alice!'' Rosalie said like I was the one doing something wrong.

Axl: Someone please kill Rosalie. This fic would be better off without her.

"Well Emmet?''

"Hmm when you put it like that…'' Emmet paused, and Rose was clearly unhappy with that fact.

Keiko: Apparently, it's "wrong" when you say "no".
Miyu: Apparently, it's also wrong when you think.
Kyo: Thinking? In this stupid fic?

"Answer the god damn question already!'' Well, well, well, looks who's being impatient now I thought laughing in my mind at the irony.

"Yes! Okay, yes!'' Emmet said in a rush before she could yell at him any more.

Miyu: I feel sorry for him. Being bent into saying an answer that he probably didn't want to by an OOC Rose.

"Jasper." she asked with a smug smile on her face knowing this was pissing me off. She's right. It is.

Kyo: Hey, I just remembered something! *as he raises a hand of his* Aren't vampires weak to fire?
Keiko: Not when it comes to that Mary Sue vampire race.
Kyo: Too bad, I'm going to bend the rules a lot.

"I'm, I'm, I'm not really sure.'' Jasper said hesitantly, afraid of the wrath he knows Rose will blow on him. " How can you not be sure? IT'S SIMPLE!'' She yelled in his face. I flinched.

Axl: How can it be simple when you weren't there, you stupid dumbass?!

"Rose, clam down.'' Carlisle said. Boy, he sure did rush here.

Miyu: *mutters as she removes the skillet from Kyo's head* I'd like to kick her in her clam...
Kyo, Keiko, Axl: *stares at Miyu*
Miyu: *as she puts her fried egg on a plate* What?
Axl: Also, I'm wondering how the heck did Carlisle got in the bathroom. Everyone's in the bathroom, and nobody else has spotted this?
Kyo: Everyone else in the school got thrown into the street, Spikes.

" I'll pick up Mike and drop him off at the hospital. Edward could you pick up Bella for me?''

"No.'' Edward said like the arrogant ass he is acting like.

All: Then call him out!

"Son, it's to save her. Don't you want to save her?'' Carlisle asked and what Edward said shocked us all "No.'' He's got to just be saying that because he's hurt…right?

All: Nope.

"I'll do I, we're wasting precious time!'' I yelled, and grabbed Bella carefully. Why does no on understand Bella could die at any moment?

Keiko: Because she was raped, and apparently, that's "terrible". Nobody put two and two together here except for Alice.
Kyo: I really want to know what kind of drugs the author was taking, because this fic really sucks.
Axl: This fic's basically giving out the message that you should never trust a rape victim and treat them like garbage! What the hell is wrong with this author?
Miyu: *sighs* It's the "Rape as Drama" routine. Unfortunately, it's not working, since it's basically what you just said, Axl.
Axl: I might as well come out and say it. This fic sucks giant monkey balls.

*Bella's POV*

I feel like I'm flying through air faster than light. Fast as a…vampire.

Kyo: *with a blank look on his face* Are you serious? She's a vampire now?
Miyu: It looks that way.

All of the events that had occurred in the last hour landed on me. I'm in a lot of pain.

Keiko: I'm in pain because I'm reading this fic. But your pain is actually greater than ours.
Axl: Huh?
Keiko: You thought that I was being sarcastic there, James?
Axl: Oh. *scratches his head* Well, half of your sentences are usually full of sarcasm, so...

The moving suddenly stopped and I was placed on something hard. I need to open my eyes. I attempted to but them hurt, the pain is not just on my lower body, but my upper. I need to open them…open!

My eyes suddenly obeyed me and opened and instead of seeing concerned faces I saw pissed faces. Except Alice and Jasper.

Kyo: *sarcastically* Yeah, how dare you get raped! *mutters* This stupid trash fic...

She looked pissed/concerned and Jasper looked confused/annoyed. It must have been from all the different emotions in the room.

"What, what, huh?'' I said in a jumble.

" Bella why would you? With Mike Newton?" Edward looked truly hurt.

All: *facepalms* Oh, my god...
Axl: I'm about to go all Sub-Zero on your ass in two seconds. Don't say that I won't.

"Edward what's wrong. Whatever it is well get through it like we always do…together.'' I can't stand Edward miserable, it almost hurt to see him hurt.

Keiko: Him? Forget that whiny baby's feelings!

"Oh, you think we're gonna stay?'' Rosalie yelled. I was confused to say the least. I mean we're family we stuck through thick and thin. Together.

"Bitch!'' Emmet yelled. Out of nowhere. Then he lunged for my throat. Esme was the one to stop him. She was struggling to say the least.

Kyo: Never mind, Emmett's an asshole. Because of course he is.

" She's not worth it. Humans we see them now for their true self's. They only want three things. Sex, money, and cats.''

Axl: Number one, you used to be human. Number two... why the hell did you pull a random quote from that stupid "Twilight" film, author?
Miyu: A random quote that was said by Edward, no less. Adding to that, Rosalie wasn't even in that scene.

Rosalie then spit venom on me and it burned through my skin and into my veins. My numb heart was to busy being broken to notice the familiar burning feeling.

Miyu: *adjusts her glasses* Please die in a tire fire. I would love to see you burn to death in a tire fire.

"Let us leave in peace family.'' Carlisle spoke, you could tell he was trying to control his emotions. Carlisle and Emmet left. "Fuck you human slut!" Rosalie yelled then followed out.

Miyu: *maliciously* Why aren't you burning in a tire fire?
Axl: Because this fic hates us. And, uh... you're snapping.
Miyu: *stamps her paper* Maybe if this horrible excuse for a story didn't touch my nerves, I wouldn't be snapping!

Esme looked torn at having to leave " Sorry'' she whispered, and left with her head hung down.

"Bella…why?'' Edward said letting his mask break and I saw pain. Raw pain

Axl: Again, it's not about his pain! What the hell is wrong with this shit fic?!
Keiko: Everything.

" Edward stay really. You'll see.'' Alice pleaded.

"No, Alice no.'' Then the love of my life walked out of my world.

Kyo: Newsflash, Swan: If he thinks that it's your fault that you got raped, then he's not the love of your life. In the meantime, go find a giant trash compactor and try to crush him and that idiot Rosalie in it.

"Just say what you have to Jasper.'' I said wishing I would never have needed a human moment. Never wanting one again. My stupid bladder, if I hadn't need to go to the restroom none of this would have happened!

Axl: And now she's blaming herself for being raped. It's not her fault! She's only thinking that because of those other idiots who aren't named Alice!

"Bella, I believe.'' Jasper said wary but his eyes seemed confident. "We believe you." Alice said while hugging me. Even Jasper joined in. I think.

Then Alice stiffened at the same instant I felt the burn in my veins again. Venom is racing through my veins. I'm changing into a …vampire.

Axl: Oh. Correction. Idiots who aren't named Alice or Jasper.
Miyu: This fic is disgusting. And author? You're disgusting.
Keiko: I've never dealt with a fic that literally angered me in the first chapter before.
Kyo: *sighs* And we only have two more to go. *pulls out a bottle of Bleepka* Start chugging, ladies and Spikes. We're in for a terrible ride.
Axl: Wait, we're not going to ask for backups?
Kyo: Oh, no. *looks at the screen* We don't need any backups for this garbage.
Miyu: Well, then!
Axl: *blinks* Huh, he's really motivated.
Keiko: That's a first. That usually happens once in a blue moon.
Kyo: Don't make me burn you with this crap fic, Tsukino.

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