Mystery Science Theater En Masse

Three Riffers, Episode 8: The New Girl (KRZR24 version) (Part Eight)

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Chapter 14

Me: Sorry for not updating forever, it's just that I was reading this AWESOME BOOK THAT I COULDN'T PUT DOWN AND I LOVE IT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT BELLA-

All: Uh-oh...

Yeah, if you can't tell already, I was reading Breaking Dawn, WHICH BY THE WAY IS MY FAVORITEST BOOK EVER EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT YET!!

Tails: And now we know where those writing abilities lie.
Amy: Wait, how can she say that it's her most favorite book when she hasn't even finished reading it? Most fans hate that book!
Sonic: Different strokes for different folks, Ames.
Amy: True, but that book was terrible! It caused a rift in the fanbase, for crying out loud!

SO READ THE TWILIGHT SERIES, AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT AND STUFF, AND I'LL BE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!

Tails: No.

Sonic: Why are you so obsessed? It's just a book.

Me: (left eye twitching) What did you say?

Sonic: I said it's just a book.

Sonic: I'm... he's... right. Whatever. That dude named "Sonic" is right, okay?

Me: I'm sorry, something must be wrong with my hearing.

Tails: There's also something wrong with your writing abilities, too. But... um... that's a discussion for later.

For a second, I thought you said that Breaking Dawn is just a book.

Amy: It is. Calm down. I know, it's ironic coming from me, but you need to calm down.

Sonic: I did.

Me: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!

Tails: *sighs*
Sonic: *facepalms* I hate fanbrats...

Sonic: No you won't, you need me in your story.

Me: Are you so sure about that? After all, I could just have Espio come in at about the same time of your death, and Amy would find her only comfort in him, and-

Amy: Suethor, are you out of your mind? You're threatening death on a fictional character over a terrible book!
Tails: Not only that, the Suethor's making the characters say and do these things. So you can basically say that she's putting words in their mouths as an excuse to threaten them.
Sonic: Like it matters. She can kill me there, but she can't kill me here!

Amy: STOP!! Do you need to torture ME in the process of hurting Sonic?

Me: Did you hear what he said about Breaking Dawn?

Amy: Wait, isn't Breaking Dawn one of the sequels to the Twilight series?

Me: The one and only.

Tails: Nobody cares! Just get back to that gibberish fic so we can get it over with!

Sasha: Sonic, can you do me a favor?

Sonic: Depends. . .

Sasha: Can you go die in a hole?

Amy: Why don't you just jump up your own ass and die in a nuclear explosion, you psychopathic bitch?!
Sonic, Tails: *shocked*
Tails: No wonder she's called "Angry Amy".
Sonic: The juice is really loose.
Tails: All this because he said that "Breaking Dawn" was just a book.
Sonic: This Suethor has some real issues. I'm starting to think that she hates me.
Tails: You're just starting to think that, Sonic?
Amy: *sighs* Please don't make me upgrade this garbage.

Sonic: Why would I want to do that?

Sasha: Oh nothing. . .3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . .

Breaking Dawn mob/pack/angry people: THERE HE IS!! GET HIM!!

Sonic: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (runs away screaming)

Amy: Upgrade it.
Tails: *takes a deep breath as he stamps Amy's paper*
Sonic: This has to be unanimous, right?
Tails: We'll be fair. It won't be fully upgraded until you and I want to do that, Sonic.
Amy: Well, you have a very high tolerance level, Tails. I doubt it'll upgrade.

Sasha's POV

When I got home, Xavier was there, and so was Amy's clothes order. YAY!! I didn't know Abercrombie delivered so quickly. . .Oh well, soon my next operation can begin. YAY!!

Amy: End my misery.
Sonic: I think this must've been the "thrilling" online clothes shopping plotline that Manic told me about.
Tails: *flatly* Yeah. Gripping. What's with this fic and Abercrombie clothes?
Amy: They're probably what the Suethor likes, so you're going to like them, too!

Normal POV

When Tails arrived at the house, Shadow and Silver were playing the XBOX 360 Gears of War.

Amy: Why is my misery still going?
Sonic: Because someone hates you.
Tails: Wait, is this a "Write what you know" thing? Is this a game that the Suethor plays?
Sonic: Probably.

It looked like Silver was choking after something Shadow did to him. (See Silver and Shadow play Gears of War One on youtube. Hilarious!!)

Tails: *makes a face* No. Nothing in this fic is funny. What makes you think that I'm going to waste my time looking for an unfunny video that probably doesn't even exist?

Anyways, blue boy hadn't gotten there yet because he was out running. When he came, it was obvious something was on his mind. No one really cared about it though.

Amy: I don't even care about this stupid fic!
Sonic: Are those the "Eight Other Deadly Words", Ames?
Amy: They might as well be!

Silver was still pissed at Sonic for "ruining" Sasha,

Tails: Even though that Sue ruins everything...
Amy: And herself.

Shadow was still on the XBOX, and Tails was working on (another) experiment. Everything was dull.

Sonic: Dull. Like this fic.

Suddenly the phone rang. Sonic picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Silver?"

"No, it's Sonic."

"Oh. . .you.

Amy: I hate you, you walking hepatitis strain.
Sonic: Mr. LeMaire would be so proud of you.

Anyways, can I talk to him?" (By now, I think you can guess who blue boy's talking to. Hint hint, the voice on the other end was female.)

Tails: We could tell with the rude response to Sonic... and Amy's terse response to it. Basically, it's the "lovable" Mary Sue. Oh, and stop holding our hands.
Sonic: Getting tetanus would be better than dealing with her.

"Sure. Lover boy, Sasha wants to talk to you!!"

". . ." No one knew who he was talking about.

Sonic: And nobody cared.

"Ok, Silver, phone."

Silver picked it up. "Hello."

"Hey Silver, Sasha calling. Listen, the girls and I were going to the mall,

Tails: *groans* Why? Why are we going back to the mall?
Amy: This fic's like "Clueless"... without any of the fun!
Sonic: Doesn't really help when most of the cast doesn't have a clue, and the Sue's a selfish mall brat.
Amy: Do black holes have malls? Because I want her to shop in one of them.
Tails: You do know that she wouldn't be able to shop, considering that a black hole would most likely pull her apart as if she were made of spaghetti...
Amy: Really? I want to see that!
Sonic: Better get yourself a black hole proof cell phone so you can film it.

and we were wondering if you and the guys wanted to come with."

"Why are you asking me instead of Sonic?"

"Well, um, you see, it's, um-"

Silver laughed. "Yeah, I'm coming. I'll make sure everyone else does too."

Sonic: But I don't want another mall story!

Sasha's POV

Everything slowly falls into place. . .MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Amy: ...why aren't you dead?

Anyways, on our trip to the mall, it was me, Amy, Blaze(who was filled in on the plan), and Xavier, or shall I call him Fabian (take the name Fabio, and instead of the o, say the word "an", and at the first a, pronounce it look the a ini baby).

All: Shut up!

I wasn't expecting to see Knuckles or Rouge, and for some reason, I didn't think Silver would manage to get blue boy here to come.

But I guess I underestimated the guy. I mean, I could see the fear in Sonic's eyes when he saw me. Oh, how I'll treasure that memory forever. Getting off topic. Sorry.

Tails: No, you're not sorry! You just admitted that you were elated because you threatened and scared Sonic! You really are a psychopath! Why are we supposed to like you?!
Sonic: I... have no idea.
Amy: Oh, yeah. This Suethor hates you, Sonic.
Sonic: That's okay, because I hate that stupid Sue of hers. We're sort of even.

I wonder how Silver got Sonic to come.

Sonic: Does anyone really care?

Silver's POV

Whenever you need to bring Sonic somewhere, there are only two words you need: Chili dogs. Then you're all set.

Tails: Even more pointless text...
Amy: This fic needs to stay in the third person. These constant POV switches make the fic even more annoying than it already is!

Sasha's POV

Anyways, most of you thought that OPERATION GSACTFFTADSOAFBRAA was over and done with, didn't you. Well, obviously you thought wrong. Blue boy's caused Amy way to much emotional issues, and he's gonna pay for that. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Amy: Why aren't you being stung by a giant nest full of angry killer bees right now?
Sonic: *tosses two Bleeprin tablets into a glass of Bleepka, waits for them to dissolve* Hurry up so I can scrub this stupid fic from my brain!
Tails: This really is a Sonic bashing fic, isn't it?
Amy: Considering that the Sue told him to "die in a hole"... oh, yeah. It really is.

Sorry, I've developed my evil laugh, and now it's kind of hard to stop. What can I say, I'm hooked.

Tails: I hope a Vaudeville hook drags you off somewhere.
Sonic: Yeah, into the path of a bunch of Formula 1 cars.

Like I was saying, when Silver and co. got there, it didn't take long for them to notice the new addition, Xavier. Or should I say, Fabian. . .

Amy: Oh, joy. We get to see another forced "love triangle" so "Nice Guy Sonic" can whine again.
Tails: I'm not looking forward to this at all. Then again, I've never been excited at any point.

I just want you to know that if there are any typos in this chapter, I was eating some Cheetos while typing (those things are sooooooooo addictive. My family of 4 almost finished one of the huge bags in 2 days), and didn't want to get those orange crumbs on the keyboard. Thus, I was typing with one hand. And that's why you might see some typos. So yeah.

Tails: That's only a valid excuse... for the first draft. If you didn't edit, then that's just pure laziness.

Chapter 15

Starting the chapter, ok? And to the people who say that my characters are OOC, I say that only makes them funnier/funner. (WHICH I KNOW IS NOT A WORD!!)

All: *glares at the screen*
Amy: There is nothing in this fic that is even remotely funny, Suethor. And brushing off those critiques only means one thing... that you hate criticism. So, let me be blunt... I hate this fic, I hate these characters, and I especially hate that infected pus boil with arms and legs that you call "Sasha".
Tails: *looks at Sonic* Sonia rubbed off on her, right?
Sonic: She's always been like this. You just haven't seen a fic that threw a bowling ball on her beserk buttons before.

Silver's POV

You wanna know something? I wish I had been happy with Sonic taking Sasha away. I mean, at least, then I would have known the guy. This new dude though, just pisses me off. I mean, he was Amy's old flame, and he comes back, and guess what? Sasha apparently had a crush on him too. How fucktastic is that?

Sonic: I don't care about these useless problems. I just want this fic to end.

Normal POV

When Sonic, Silver, and Shadow got to the mall (Rouge and Knuckles here at an undisclosed location), their minds immediately took in two things. First, that the girls were all surrounding this one guy. Secondly, this guy was really cool looking, or as Sonic would later describe, "super-fly" (Shadow: Next time he says that phrase, I'm killing him. No joke.).

Tails: This really isn't funny. Snark is supposed to happen naturally, not randomly.

Then they all decided at the same time that this guy had to go. Note, normally, Sonic, Silver, and Shadow wouldn't jump to conclusions,

Amy: ...even though they usually do in this stupid fic...

but notice how they immediately hate the guy BEFORE they know anything about him, except that three certain girls love him.

Sonic: Great. We're doing this crap again.
Tails: This fic is just a Moebius Strip of bad!

Amy introduced Fabian to the guys. All of the guys were smart enough NOT to react, because sure as hell, someone would have died.

Amy: If everyone died, that would actually be a happy ending.

You see, "Fabian's" story is that he and Amy were on an on-again-off-again relationship. Whenever she came over to Sasha's house, they would be together, and whenever Amy left, they would break up. Now, before we continue, let's see things from Sonic's perspective.

Tails: I don't want to. None of us want to.

Sonic's POV

That son of a (&#)(&)()&)&!&!#&#(#)#&()&#!!#&))(#)&#&(#(())(#&#&#(&#(&((#()#()#!&!#&#&#()#)#&#!#&)#&(#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&(&#)()#&#&#(#(&(&()(#)!! I wanna kill that-

Tails: This is the most useless text that I've ever seen.
Sonic: This is the most useless fic that I've ever riffed.
Amy: This is the most useless life that I've ever lived.

Normal POV

OK, anyways um where were we? Yes, Fabian was introduced to each of the guys. This is the basic conversation.

Amy said, "Hi guys, I don't think you've met Fabian yet have you."

S,S, and S just glared at him.

Amy: Too lazy to type out the names, I see.

"Guess not. Anyways, guys, this is Fabian, a very close friend from Sasha's neighborhood. Fabie, this is Sonic, Shadow, and Silver," she said, pointing to each respectively. Each only glared and grunted in response.

Sonic: *grunts* We immature cavemen! We don't like it when you look at women that we have clamed for tribe!
Tails: *snickers*

Fabian stuck his hand out to shake their's, while saying, "Hi, it's nice to meet you guys. I've heard a lot about you three."

Instead of shaking it, the three Ss just sent imaginary daggers at it. "Guess not," he replied.

Amy: Remember, we're supposed to like the Sue for creating useless and stupid conflicts like these!

"So, I think we have a lot to talk about Fabe, so we're going to drop you off at the hotel and chat on the way, k," Sasha asked, in an attempt to break the tension.

"Sure, Sash. But only if the foxy cat over there is coming."

Sonic: What the heck is Cassy doing in this fic? Get out, Cass! Run for your life!

Shadow nearly killed him then and there. He was crushed when Blaze agreed with a blush, nearly died inside when they were leaving, and had almost been willing to break his vow of not killing. Almost. Shadow the hedgehog had never felt such an animosity to someone before, including when he first met Sonic.

Tails: Or like us when we were beginning this riffing?
Amy: Shadow never really hated Sonic. Have these people even played or beat "Sonic Adventure 2"?
Sonic: Probably not. That's why people still think that the "Faker" thing was said by Shadow.
Amy: But the "Faker" exchange was pretty early...
Sonic: I never said that they were paying attention, Ames.

Shadow's POV

(&#)(&)()&)&!&!#&#(#)#&()&#!!#&))(#)&#&(#(())(#&#&#(&#(&((#()#()#!&!#&#&#()#)#&#!#&)#&(#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&(&#)()#&#&#(#(&(&()(#--

Amy: *yanks Shadow's POV out and tosses it aside*
Tails: *climbs out of the POV rubble* Amy? Um...
Amy: What?
Tails: It's a bit messy over here.
Sonic: *wheels a garbage can inside, begins to throw away the POV rubble that used to bury Tails*
Amy: Oops. Let me help, Sonic.
Sonic: More the merrier. Least this fic's in the right spot... the garbage can.
Tails: Sonic!
Amy: *tries not to laugh*

Normal POV

OK. . .anyways-

Amy: More useless text! *rips that POV out and throws it away*

Shadow's POV

You are NOT CUTTING ME OFF IN AN ANGRY RANT!! (&#)(&)()&)&!&!#&#(#)#&()&#!!#&))(#)&#&(#(())(#&#&#(&#(&((#()#()#!&!#&#&#()#)#&#!#&)#&(#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&#&(&#)()#&#&#(#(&(&()(#--

Sonic: Dude. Shut up. Please.
Amy: *rips the POV out and throws it away*

Normal POV

Yes I am. As soon as the girls and Fabian left, each of the guys turned to one another and said, "He's got to go."

Tails: Yay, we get to "Murder the Hypotenuse"!
Amy: These people are terrible.
Sonic: No kidding.

If people really don't like this chapter, trust me, I don't either.

Amy: And yet you wrote it in.

But I had to have this chapter in, or else my story wouldn't work. Sorry.

Tails: Nothing in this story works!

I'll try to change it when I have time.

Sonic: Spoiler: She never changes it.

I've decided that I am going to write a sequel,

All: *wailing* Why?!

and it has to be completely done by Thanksgiving. (I like to give myself deadlines). So yeah, I'm in a rush.

And if you see any typos, please feel free to point them out to me, because I have the bad habit of using homonyms for some words. Sorry.

Amy: By the way, she's never going to use those critiques, so don't bother sending them.

Anyways, I was on Facebook looking up annoying bumper stickers to my friends, and guess what I found? This amazingly funny one that goes like this:

I have CDO. It's like OCD, but the letters are in alphabetical order like the should me.

Sonic: ...that ain't funny.

I love it sooooooooo much!!

Tails: Her sense of humor is incredibly limited, isn't it?
Amy: What humor?

So like comment about and stuff. Bye!

Sonic: I have a comment! Is this fic going to end in a while?
Amy: Five chapters to go.
Tails: Wow, then we're 75 percent done with this thing!
Amy: I won't be happy unless it's 100 percent.
Sonic: Same.

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